PISSERS & KISSERS

It takes a bad day for one to be pissed off at everything. Of course, lack of sleep twitches the irritation level up 10 notches. The slightest of provocation can land you in the lock-up. I would have gladly obliged if they were to ask me to strip and squat, just to piss the pigs off. Squat, spread my legs, on my hands and knees. Anything, as long as I get to stay nude.

I've always wanted to make a list or in today's case (since I'm pressed for time), a mini-list of things or people or events that piss me off. I started off this blog in that mood so it's just right to continue where I left off.

I'll call this list - PISSERS. This list isnt in any particular order of pissiness.

1. Cherie "Cruella De Vil" Blair or Booth or whatever she wants to call herself.

Pity the puppies. Bloody hell, Mrs Blair or Booth or whatever. Are you telling me there isnt much work to do in the UK? No human rights issues to fight for? You want to keep yourself busy? Go to Timor Leste. Or Tikrit for that matter. You'll find something to do. Mainly dodging bombs and bullets. And crazed men fighting for.....what were they fighting for again? Ok, you go and find out. You can email me your findings. My email address is on my profile. Then, you'll beg to go to back to bed with the man you so zealously want to escape from. His days are numbered anyway. Your fantasies of doing it in one of the rooms in No 10 would be over soon. I heard Neil Kinnock's making a comeback. Better tell Tony to start packing.

2. Siti K or Datuk Norhaliza.

Will they or wont they? Or perhaps just when? Come on, guys! 06 06 06 came and went. 08 08 06 pulak now. What about 0 no 0 no 0 no. It's getting stale lah. Not that I'm gonna be invited to the wedding anyway. Especially after this. Join the club. Bell Spot's not in a hurry to invite me to his wedding either. Come on, mate! Take 5. 5 times the joy! 5 times the laughter! 5 times the same ending? Cruel am I? I'm pissed off. Gimme back my sleep but please dont take away the World Cup.
3. Sukma
Havent we had enough of Sukma? Last month everyone was talking about Sukma. He was in Kedah. Not many national records were broken. Now he's making a personal appearance in KL. And he's not guilty. We know that. It was consensual right? Nothing wrong with that. You're both adults. What you do behind closed doors is none of our business. Now the can of worms is open again. Are we gonna see the notorious mattress again?

Ok, let's keep this mini-list mini. Dr M says stop just when the going's good.

But what's a Yin without a Yang. Laurel without Hardy. Broery without Sharifah Aini.

To maintain a karmic balance, I'm gonna start a list of nice things or people or event. Let's call it KISSERS. Again, not in any particular order of kissiness.

1. The Azzurri
What a bunch of extremely talented and equally good-looking players the Italian team has. If I had one shot at becoming someone else, I'd opt for anyone from the Azzurri! Well, maybe with the exception of Zambrotta and a couple of other names I cant pronounce, let alone spell. Nesta, Cannavaro, Toni, Totti, Buffon, Iaquinta, Gilardino, Pirlo, Pullman (oops..), well the list goes on... To quote a certain someone - PHWOAR!
Based on first games played so far, they are now my tip for the Cup. Obviously, my prophetic predictions varies, from time to time, depending on the strength of Astro's reception. And the Emas Index.

Important Disclaimer:

I aint no gayboy. My sexual preference are clearly for those of the female species only. Humans preferably.

2. Crouching Crouch
The beanpole swayed with the breeze. But he rose, above others, to stardom by outdoing and out-scoring little Mikey. His spastic dance was not to be seen though. (Oh no, am I gonna get in trouble like Tiger did?) Like I give a shite! Crouch is retarded. There you go. So sue me. Get Cherie to be your lawyer.

3. iGallop
Osim has hit the jackpot! This contraption is the only exercise equipment you'll ever need. It'll tone your hip, thighs and buttocks! Wow! I'm gonna buy a few of these and let every female on my neighbourhood use the iGallop to tone their hip, thigh and buttocks. Heck, I will even throw in a copy of the video clip of them riding the machine. I'll keep the original clip of course, in case, they'd want extra copies.
This is one magical exerciser. The secret is in its zero-impact, tri-axial riding action. Your body automatically responds to its multidirectional movements to maintain balance. This constant balancing by your body engages certain muscle groups, and may help improve balance, coordination and posture.
I think even my tea-lady's mother-in-law would look sexy riding the iGallop.

That's it. It's good to stop at 3 PISSERS & KISSERS each. Three is a good number. Sounds nice. Three. See? Three.... Had it been changed slightly to say, thraa, it would closely resemble a Neanderthal mating call. I assure you, having a mob of horny cavepeople congregating around you is not a pleasant experience.

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