MR BELL SPOT

I know this person who calls himself Mr Bell Spot (formerly known as Mr Bell Rigby). He's a mechanic and a fitness freak. He thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. He feels that he is God's gift to women. He also likes to write. Mainly about himself. So he entered the blogging world.

He wrote about...well, himself. Not satisfied with that, he began to post photos of his body parts. Cheap thrill for him when women commented on the post. Hairy lah. Big foot = big dick lah. Farking pathetic!

Being a mechanic always brought in the Chicas. Dont know what it is about women who throw themselves at the feet of mechanics. Talk some medical..oops I mean, mechanical jargon and the ladies swoon. Mec, are you single? Where's your workshop? I minat you. Can you give my car a "thorough" check-up? Nudge2 wink2.

Did they bother to ask why he's been married and divorced that many times? It is really always the ex-wives' fault? Or is he really just plain unlucky. Cant get the right soulmate. Looked always at the wrong places. Always ending up with women who are stupid, not pretty enough, not classy enough, women who have a life of their own.

I noticed recently that his blog's gone. Dont know what brought that on. Pity really, coz I was enjoying reading comments from unsuspecting females who really thought he's the Real Deal that got away. Would really appreciate any info that could shed some light into his disappearance (if you know who I'm referring to).

(most definitely not) JEKYLL

JEKYLL'S TURN

It was recently reported that Meg Ryan hates Michael Parkinson, the British TV host. It had something to do with an interview session about Ryan being nude in one of her movies. She didnt like Parky's comments about her doing so.

Chat show hosts are a dime a dozen. But the really good ones are rare. They are the ones who last for years. The British approach is quite different from the Americans. Terry Wogan, Parky, Jonathan Ross and the gang are not like David Letterman, Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno.

Of course, the Queen of chat show hosts is none other than Oprah Winfrey. No one comes even close to her. The pretenders like Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell, Tyra Banks pale in comparison with Oprah. She's articulate, spontaneous, very intelligent and thoroughly in control throughout the proceedings. Of course, giving her entire studio audience a brand new Pontiac G6 each, during the premiere of her 19th season show, does help a lot to cement her position right up there.

JEKYLL

LEPRACEMEN KIRRERS

I find the accents of Michelle Yeoh in Tomorrow Never Dies, Chow Yuen Fat in The Replacement Killers (and just about all his English speaking roles) extremely excruciating. Toss in Samo Hung in his TV series Martial Law, the whole oriental cast in Memoirs of a Geisha, we have a migraine-inducing bunch of over-rated stars. It's the HongKee accent. Mandarin style english I can take. Even Japanese type. But not the Cantonese twang.

I always wonder why the Chinese can Kung Fu. Whenever any Mat Salleh tries it, they look so stiff and ungraceful. Even the overseas Chinese, like the future Mrs Todt, does it ever so well. What is it in their genetic make-up that makes them different from others? I think maybe it's got someting to do with their food too. Not the Yong Tau Foo but perhaps the Bak Kut Teh! Was told there is a halal version of Bak Kut Teh called Chik Kut Teh. Chicken replacing pork. It's not the same I suppose. Never tasted pork before but have tried lard. It's yummy.

HYDE

GRUMPY OLD MAN

I have a right to be pissed off with many things. I dont like James Blunt! I hate his songs. I hate his voice. He looks like a bum. Dont know why he's so successful. So he writes his own songs. Big deal! So do the KRU boys. And they stink like Sg Seget! Those boys cant sing to save their lives either. Neither can bloody Bucky from the latest American Idol series. Know who else cant sing? Noor Kumalasari! Is that her real name? Who gives their children names that are almost impossible to pronounce, let alone spell?! Whoever that was must have a weird sense of humour. Her half-sister is called Anita Sarawak! I doubt if that's her real name either. If I had to name my daughter after a place in Malaysia, I would probably call her Lina Langkawi. That's a cool name. Mysterious. Legendary.

Back to Anita Sarawak. Her mother was Siput Sarawak. Another strange name. Word has it, Anita almost committed suicide in the 70's. She wanted to kill herself because of the embarassment her mother was about to inflict upon her. Her mother wanted to change her name from Siput Sarawak to Siput Babi!

I'm a grumpy old man. Not always like this but pretty much most of the time. I can be nice. I can be kind. Deep down I'm wonderful. You be the judge. My future postings will help you decide.

I'll stop for now. Until I find something else to piss me off.

HYDE