I lost my virginity at 16. How that happened is a long story. Another post, perhaps. Suffice to say that I was “Minute Man” personified. No foreplay. No bucking the wild and unbroken bronco. After I finally located the correct orifice to thrust my shaft, the excitement got the better of me. And in a time shorter than it takes to half-boil an egg, I ejaculated.
All my plans to maintain perfect control during an hour of hard steady thrusting and then, time my ejaculation to coincide, contraction for contraction, with the orgasm of my partner, went down the drain. I watched all the porn movies for tips. I committed to memory all the moves the stars executed. But it all came to nought.
Being male, I was obviously contented. At that age, my philosophy was understandably, “the end justifies the means”. Like the Romans, I came. I conquered. The only thing that mattered to me then was that I came.
But as I matured, I took it upon myself not to repeat the debacle. A review of my attitude also had to be made. The performance needed improvement.
I wanted to become the local Ron Jeremy. Or maybe even a John Holmes. Obviously, not being nearly as well-endowed as the two, I had to rely on a combination of technique, practice and chemistry.
However, the thing about sex is not like a sport where you can train with a coach and a ball or a racquet. You need an active and willing partner to experiment with. Someone willing to try out the many positions available. Someone who’ll able to recover quickly from incessant soreness. It certainly doesn’t help if your partner is a female version of Lil Mikey. Being injured after hardly a minute just doesn’t cut it.
I learnt that pleasure is a mixture of physical sensations and emotions. Sensual and sexual pleasure result from an interaction between physical sensations and your thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Experiencing sexual pleasure is the process of giving and/or receiving sensual and sexual pleasure. Having good sex requires you to not only respond to your own needs, but your partners needs as well.
What I also learnt is that sex isn’t just as a penis-in-a-vagina experience that has to involve thrusting - the old in-out, in-out routine. There are plenty of ways that a man and woman can achieve intimacy and fulfilment without vigorous penile thrusting. Once a penis is inside her, a woman experience a sense of fulfilment and connection that is precious and important to them whether or not their man thrusts. And though we have a deep instinctual urge to thrust, we too can actually enjoy these gentle experiences of closeness and connection. Another possibility is to enjoy different kinds of movement once the man has inserted his penis - a gentle rocking motion or gentle circular movements of the hips is often enjoyable. And since the vagina is most sensitive nearest its outer edges, shallow penetration in which the man just inserts his penis an inch or two, then withdraws, and then gently re-enters to the same depth can be very teasing and enjoyable - especially if his partner can squeeze his penis with her vaginal muscles as he moves in and out!
The missionary position is one of my favs. Everyone knows how it works - the woman lies on her back with her legs apart and the man lowers himself on top of her, supporting his weight with his elbows, and enters her with his legs either inside or outside hers (usually inside). He may lower himself onto her and rest more of his weight on her body. The woman can wrap her legs around him to control the depth and speed of his thrusting into her vagina, or she may thrust a little towards him from her pelvis to match his movements in and out of her vagina.
The woman lies on her back with her legs spread apart. The man then lowers himself on top of his partner with his arms supporting his weight. From this position he has the freedom to thrust or make circular movements with his thighs. If he lowers himself closer to her and rests some of his weight on top of her body, his pubic bone can provide gentle clitoral stimulation. The woman can thrust her middle body towards the man using the support of her legs, or grasp the man from behind which enables her to control his thrusting movements somewhat.
I like this position due to its apparent simplicity. I also love the sense of dominating my partner when I'm feeling my masculine power; I love the intimacy and connection when making love in a slow, emotionally connected way. Think about it: there's plenty of skin to skin contact, there's the ability to gaze into your partner's eyes and watch her reaction as she feels that ever-special moment of penetration, there's the incredible sense of warmth and wetness as her vagina envelops your penis, and there's the profound satisfaction of deep thrusting and, of course, ejaculation. For the female partner, there's the ability to lie back and enjoy it without having to make too much effort - though of course if she wants to thrust she can do so, albeit in a more limited way than in other positions.
I did some research in the net. Funnily enough the missionary position never appears at the top of lists of people's favourites. Men's top two favourites are
(1) rear entry with both partners kneeling, and
(2) woman on top.
The man on top comes in at number 4.
For women, the top two favourites are
(1) woman on top facing towards the man, and
(2) woman on top facing away from the man.
The man on top comes in at number 5.
Why is this? Could it be that even though we use this position such a lot, we secretly crave something more exciting? Or is it that we're all bored with this position but we do it because we think it's what our partner wants, without having ever actually asked them?
It does seem strange, but sex is a personal and mysterious thing, and what couples say they want in surveys seems very different to what they actually do in the bedroom.
Maybe the idea of rear entry appeals to men because of its raw animal lustiness, while women like the idea of woman on top because they fantasize about being dominant during sex.
Meanwhile, in reality, we're all having the missionary position most of the time because what many men and women most want during sex is to feel intimate and connected to their partner. This may be why this position is the most common position couples actually use, for it certainly allows for great intimacy in the form of eye contact and full skin-to-skin contact and the ability to kiss and hold each other close.
Also, some women seem to like the slight sense of being trapped or dominated by their partner if he is lying on top of them, and it can be very exciting for the man if the woman rests her feet on his calf muscles or wraps her legs around his back, drawing him in closely to her.
What's your fav position then?
HYDE all the way
